yamanai ame da neeee

Friday, March 03, 2006

I was a total wreck in school today.
Morning started out fine.. it was great.
Our first and last breakfast together...

Then we had geog.. it was a summary of what we did for the whole term.
GP.
Hai... thats when it all started lah.
We were watching a movie thing.. everyone was so... laid back. drowsy. relaxed.
It felt so natural.
I was sitting at the back of the class and i could see everyone's back view..
it was just so sad.. to think that by the same time next week,
the scenery would have changed.
The people would be different..
the mood, cautious.
No one would know each other..
putting on false smiles.. paying attention, sitting nice and proper..
just to give the right impression.
Just sucks like shit to think that everything would change again.
I'll have to go through that tiring process of making friends again.
and i know i'd never ever make that kind of group of friends ever again.
I guess it's always that way, in a new environment, it felt good to have someone to turn to..
to have some people to laugh at stupid things about.
The first would always be the best.
Simply because its just so.. original. so new. so great.
Looking at all their heads i just felt this terrible urge to cry.
argh.. and knowing me, i did lah. duh.
I dunno why.
Why have i grown so attached?
In that short period of time they have quietly given me the best time i could ever ask for.
They made me feel that i belong.
All of them were just so sweet and nice.
Maybe thats why.
Just when i'm beginning to feel so comfortable.. we are gonna be seperated.
Hai.. i took so long to find them and now it took just one day.
one day. to end it all.

After school.
People started leaving lah. shit man really really shit.
That was the hardest moment of the day.
People left like they were coming back.
Like we just ended another normal day.
Like everything would be exactly the same on monday.
and silly me was feeling so depressed about it that i started sobbing. again.
Wth lahhhh.
Hai the tears just kept coming and they couldnt stop flowing.
Seriously i was embarrassed about it because of all the GUYS around.
Wah.. I dont want to let my classmates see me crying loh.
but like i could help myself right.
Me and my super active tear ducts....
Anyway the crying went on for.. a long long while.
It was like.. tear. dry. tear. dry.
Then when anyone leaves i would start crying.
Edmund then Rohanna Zhonghao Yu'an Jolyon Wei jean Cheryl Fiona...
I almost died from those hundreds of sour clenches i kept experiencing when they left.
I have no idea why i was so affected. but i was. haiii.

Today will be the last time we walk home together.
the last time we walk aimlessly around cwp.
the last time we have lunch together at the horizon shit.
the last time we develope photos at the funny machine.

On the way to cwp i couldnt help but start tearing again.
I tried not to think about it.
But i was.
Whats WRONG with me?
haha.
Too emotional. thats what.
Hhaha.. think they didn't notice till we were reaching..
I'm pro :)
I know we'll be having more outings after that.
I know you guys have booked all my saturdays.
but it'll just be different.
I want be in school with you guys.
To walk the corridors together.
To spy on people together.
To endure the days together.

Hai.. i know i'm selfish. I demand too much.
All of you have your paths to take.
But i fell too hard for all of you..
Too hard for me to take.

7:02 PM